"I know everything"
"No I know everything"
"You’re coming on the left, you’re coming from the right I’m on top, I see everything, I see you and you."
"You say your vision is not your own, but all"
Every topic has differing arguments, both seem so authentic and real. There really is never a close on what is right. We find so many contradictions within ourselves and others beliefs. It so hard to know if we should even have them or not. It seems like their is a tranquil end to the quieted mind. Skepticism is so difficult to reject but that’s just one of it’s points. We can see truth in anything.
The more and more I consider my own beliefs it seems like they aren’t worth anything, tomorrow morning I might have a different view on beliefs and most certainly will in a few years. No matter how much I read and understand the views of others, I’ll still only have my understanding. One understanding seems incapable of seeing reality as it truly is. If I drop a ball to the floor I only see my perspective of the ball hitting floor, I can’t even contemplate the actual event happening because I’ve never seen anything without myself being the one to witness. It seems like this supports the idea that our beliefs are nothing but trouble, they color the subjective experience we already have.
Maybe we do just have foggy foggy glasses that get harder to see out of each year that passes. But this seems like an angsty dick response to elder’s wisdom. If I follow the idea that every year we gain more influence on how we see the world and that it changes us further and further away from an objective view that would mean the advice those older than us give is jaded and wrong. Yet, there there advice does help and change things. What is it about experience and beliefs, how are the two related?
We as a people have to live by a certain code, it doesn’t matter what code, but we do have to follow rules of our own mind. If we follow any rules it seems as if we’re not open minded but if we follow none we seize to exist. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that even though we have to live one way that doesn’t mean there is a better way, and that doesn’t mean we should discourage others from living their way.
An evolved way of living, exceeding that of any other doesn’t exist because anything can be criticized. judgement offers no peace.
Do not judge
Do not compare
Do not worry
Do not dwell
Do not be sad
See the beauty in life
Live every day for the day
Be you’re own person
You know yourself better than anyone can
You are beautiful
You mean well
Do not regret
Do not fear tomorrow
Do not hide
Do not be sad
You are beautiful
You are you
Before I see my story I told, I’m afraid of not liking what I see. Do I copy someone else’s to be safe? That won’t work, I cannot replicate their story exactly. I need to make my own. I hope I like it.
I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.
This will not be reviewed, this will not be thought out, it is simply a stream of consciousness.
I make many mistakes. Every moment I continue I find myself regretting immediately what I just did, said, or thought. I have spent so much time thinking of the ramifications of my actions that I have not been able to enjoy them. I fear for my future, am oblivious to my present, and shameful of my past. I don’t think I should regret anymore. We are all leaving. My friends will just be a memory within a year. Does this mean they no longer matter? Riverside’s been my sandbox for life, I have experimented with all of my theories on life here. In a year I will be able to start fresh, no one will know me and I will be on my own. Until the same thing happens. Do people as a species live for the temporary? We all wish to have a constant in our life, but as soon as we do we become bored. Does this mean I picked the wrong constant?
Upon posting this I will immediately regret it. I will feel ashamed at how arbitrary it is. When I consider why I will feel that, the root cause comes down to the perception I feel my friends will have of it. This is because they have become constants. I am unaware of their internal feelings and they are unaware of mine, yet my mind deems them constants?
What is true friendship, is it blind? When someone gets familiar with my true self they tend to push away. Why tell people about yourself?
Do my friends have a control over my experience of life? The simple answer would be yes if proposed to you, but it is not something I wish to think about. By myself answering yes to that question, it means that so many of the friends that I deem constants should be cast away because I feel poorly now. I feel poorly because of the constants around me. The answer to the equation would be to start fresh and develop new constants, but when developing those constants I would only feel brief temporary happiness at what I think the constants would become, which would be what they are now. Which I do not like. Which means that every time I meet new people I hope for the rare chance that they might be different. Are people really different? If all of my interactions in the realm of temporary happiness are in an attempt to have a bettered future that is in it’s very nature not better, why do I continue to do it?
Are we all impressionable? Is this the root of my behaviour? I indulge myself in too many flavors of friends and I will find what you find when you blend to many different colors. You will become black, not in the sense of the race, but in the sense that you will be dark. Which is to be perceived as bad. You will not know who you are, because you have to many influences. It is physically and mentally impossible to play too many roles at once. You need to choose so that life fits into your equation simpler. If you are to have multiple, separate equations for the different parts of you, you’ll find that some problems are solvable in certain formulas while they are not in others. Do i pick the personality that lets me solve the most problems? I’m not sure because that means I might alienate the constants. But in my other self, those constants feel fake. But then I am simply leading myself into a desolate place of solitude. Is that what I want? Do I want to be alone? My actions would warrant it? I’m an unintentional dick because I am trying to play the social game. The game that is only one problem that is solved in multiple ways by myself. I need to just pick one. I can no longer regret the past.
If things do not work out I must accept it. After all this is only my sandbox. For the time being, I refuse to feel apologetic for my actions and grasp whatever wisdom may be possible from them. I must be more considerate of others feelings but I cannot let it consume me and compromise myself causing more discomfort that could have been avoided.
I am at the end of this chapter of my life. Is this why it all seems so trivial?
Those who expunge the word love. Are they trustworthy? They tell everyone they love them. They tell you they love you. This means you are everyone. Is it bad to be everyone? I think yes, yet I am accepting my role as everyone right now. Is it because this is just a sandbox? Or will I just be everyone for the rest of my life?
Sorry Tumblr, please don’t tell me to stop. I would tell you I can accept your criticism but that would only be a lie, my mind cannot handle your criticism.
Time passes by unused
When we meet someone
Or find something
We regret the time
We let slip away
Time seemingly limitless yesterday
Is on a countdown today
Earliest conception, eradicates expectations
Pondering perfection is void
No one can complete such a task
It is established from a precedent
You are not my precedent
You are my perfect
The retrograde of those dear to me gives me the bittersweet melancholy taste in my mouth
What wills them to depart
Many verbalize they are not deserving
Yet one will find themselves willing ignorant of the scantily dressed truce
I have arrived here.
Do I feign
Do I remain in solitude
Those closest have concerted a pattern
A pattern implying destiny
That I will change
Words will forever be spoken yet actions will never follow suit Does one take comfort in the words, knowingly idle or abide to the warnings predicated on vacant behavior? The longing for your acceptance has forsaken me I passively searched for your praise only to assert myself that those words were not artificial but bona fide in truest mold I have been decieved by the enemy that is myself Granting unearned credit to you prolongating my lie Your greatest attributes were never yours to begin with they were added to the filter of my lenses I thought myself blind only now do I realize that the remedy was not the addition of glasses but the acceptance of truth.
Words will forever be spoken
yet actions will never follow suit
Does one take comfort in the words, knowingly idle
or abide to the warnings predicated on vacant behavior?
The longing for your acceptance has forsaken me
I passively searched for your praise
only to assert myself
that those words were not artificial
but bona fide in truest mold
I have been decieved by the enemy that is myself
Granting unearned credit to you
prolongating my lie
Your greatest attributes were never yours to begin with
they were added to the filter of my lenses
I thought myself blind
only now do I realize that the remedy was not the addition of glasses
but the acceptance of truth.